Pro Bono

"I still haven't found what I'm looking for" pondered Bono as he spent yet another night mindlessly surfing from site to site, through page after page, staring blankly into the infinite abyss that was his computer screen Then, it suddenly came to him. A moment of inspiration. Eureka! This algorithm would change everything. Never one to claim fame and glory for himself he relayed his vision to his good friends Larry Page and Sergey Brin who would use his insights to power the google search engine and propel them to domination of the internet.

"Even better than the real thing" marvelled Bono as he tinkered away with a new CGI animation technique on his battered old Mac. Ever magnanimous he passed the concept onto his old squash buddy Steve Jobs who proceeded to bring the project to fruition, picking up several Oscars along the way and relaunching his flailing career eventually seeing him back to the helm of his beloved Apple.

"Where the streets have no name" thought Bono devilishly to himself as he toyed with what were by this stage, very well established conventions of cartography and related orientation tools. Unconcerned by the fact he would be pitting his close friends and IT heavy weights in direct competition with one another, he powered ahead. Time to shake things up Tim he said, "It's Apple, they'll eat it up". As he would admit himself, not one of his finer moments, a rare misdirect he attributes in part to a brainstorming session he had in Grogan's pub of South William Street with his close associate and avant-garde artist, Guggi.

Look into my eyes

Met this really creepy looking dude on the bus this morning, wearing an old style top hat and a black, three piece suit. He sat down next to me and fidgeting with his old pocket watch, started to rabbit on about how today was 'International Hypnotism Day' or some such nonsense. I'm not really sure what he was on or on about to be honest, I must have drifted off before he could finish... 

Also, I may or may not in fact be a chicken.

The year in review

For me personally, 2012 was the year that will be remembered primarily as the year in which both 'Amazeballs' and 'Mummy Porn' were given due recognition in the Queen's and added to the the Collins Online English Dictionary for all to quote and reference. 

It was the year that Hollywood finally agreed that it was about God damned time they resurrected the hugely underrated 'Men in Black' franchise and controversially reboot the sci-fi classic 'Total Recall' without the unparalleled Governator Schwarzenegger in the lead role. 

Musically, it was the year that the X-Factor winner's single was tragically kept off the Christmas No. 1 slot by some pretentious self serving charity single and Lady GaGa decided to seal her place in the hierarchy of arch-villanry by launching an attack on yet another of our senses when she released her 'Fame' airborne pathogen onto the highstreets .

2012 you've been an interesting and at the very least numerically even year. 

2013, apart from being a potential annus horribilis for all you triskaidekaphobes out there, you've got your work cut out for you. 

Happy New Year folks!

Ever since I was a child I have been haunted by the suspicion that I was the protagonist in some sort of Lewis Carroll-esque farce. This is the closest I have come to having that suspicion confirmed.